[November 16, 2024] This is an untidy, chaotic story from the culture of the Deep South, so read my experience with that in mind. I smacked the groom in the mouth on his wedding day. My behavior may seem awful, but hold your judgment and hear me out.
I was at a hillbilly wedding conducted just south of Macon, Georgia. My new Army friends and I had just graduated from MP School at Fort Gordon, Georgia, and we had traveled over a two-hour trip to the wedding venue sometime in late November, and one of them was invited to a friend’s wedding. Private Jimmy John invited me to go with him because I was “always the responsible one,” and the trip was a long drive. I said, “Yeah, let’s get ‘er done!” After getting a 48-hour pass, off we went.
We get to this rundown house with farm animals walking about and doing their business wherever they happen to be at the moment. But I digress. I met the bride and groom, and they seemed normal and happy. They were very young like my friend and me, and the whole affair was obviously a huge family shindig. Everyone was helping set up for the big day.
We jumped right in, helping out but quickly realizing everybody was drunk as a skunk, and we discovered they had just run out of beer. Jimmy John and I, being sober, volunteered to get more beer. We borrowed a pickup truck, and as we were pulling out, the groom hopped in. On our way to the local store for more suds, the groom tells us he has cold feet and is unsure if he wants to go through with the wedding. We ignored him cause who doesn’t get the jitters?
Anyway, the day was fun, and I stayed around the groom’s mother—a real lady, if you know what I mean. The following day, the wedding went great, except we again ran short of beer. The best man recommended that the wedding party continue the celebration at the local watering hole, a backwoods bar.
It’s now getting dark, so we decide to leave, but not before I hear that the groom is getting kicked out, and that’s the real reason we’re leaving. The best man is driving, the bride in the front passenger seat, Jimmy John, groom, and me in the back.
The groom is madder than hell. He wants to kill his bride and says the marriage was the biggest mistake of his life. He has a childish tantrum of epic proportions. He pushes me aside, climbing over me to have a go at his new bride, tearing her dress and pulling her hair. He whacks the best man in the head, causing the car to nearly run into a ditch.
I try to calm the groom down but he goes for her again. I simply didn’t want to die on some unnamed backroad in Georgia, so I whacked the groom in the mouth with all the strength I could muster. The punch didn’t slow him down but made him furious. We were instantly in a wrestling match in the back of a car.
The best man brings the car to a gravel-spewing stop and the groom exits with his bloody mouth to go after her again. The groom gets thrown into a nearby pond to hopefully cool him off. That does the trick and I get the groom inside the house, cleaned up, and into his room where I get the full story.
The groom caught his bride in a sexual way with another woman on their wedding day; it couldn’t have been worse, a “woman.” And to think I was the one who punched him. The next day before we made our way back to Fort Gordon, I apologized for punching him and the groom apologized for putting us all in danger.
Now 40 years later, I hear they’re still married. Miracles do happen in the Deep South.
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Funny as all heck.
Hilarious … great story.
What did your bouquet look like?
LOL funny. Totally unexpected. Massive laugh. Most of us will never ever think of punching the groom in the mouth on his wedding day. LOL.
….. or the bride, which the new husband was after and that Private Satterfield punched in the face/mouth. Maybe that was the right solution for the temper tantrum the groom was having. Emotions are always high at weddings. People can act in unexpected ways. And even the most level-headed can go off the rails. Let’s just sit back and enjoy the fact they remained married for many years. 👩❤️💋👨 🍾⛪️💎
AMAZIN’
Well, is this EXPERIENCE article the newest series? If so, and if this is the quality of humor we can expect, then we’re in for a treat. As many of you know that are regular readers of this blog, I’m a huge fan of Gen. Satterfield and his books. New folks can do a fast catch up by purchasing his books, or getting a copy from your local library (have them buy a copy if they don’t have one). You will get an in-depth review of Gen. Satterfield’s core beliefs and some of his other experiences and philosophy of life. Don’t get distracted by those rip-off pay-as-you-go leadership websites that only scam you, stay here and get daily facts, entertainment, and great content for FREE. This is the very best leadership website, bar none.
I would never have guessed that Gen. Satterfield would act like that. /sarc
Can you just imagine for one moment that your new wife is getting it on with another woman just hours after you married her? Absolutely wild. The fact that Gen. Satterfield was there at the beginning of his long and successful career is also amazing. Sir, I do enjoy your stories and especially loved those Letters to My Granddaughter series that everyone is raving about. Your experience in life might not be up to th3 excitement department but the way you tell those stories is what makes them so popular. If you do write a book 📚 on this, please give us a month or so heads up. I for one will buy the first copy. Thank you, sir, for being you. The fact that you are also a great American Patriot makes your stories even better.
Got that right, American Girl.
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The new bride caught with another woman on her wedding day!!!!! How embarrassing!!!!! Ouch!!!!!
“Storytelling has a narcotic power.” – Robert Harris, a modern English novelist
“ I try to calm the groom down but he goes for her again. I simply didn’t want to die on some unnamed backroad in Georgia, so I whacked the groom in the mouth with all the strength I could muster. The punch didn’t slow him down but made him furious. We were instantly in a wrestling match in the back of a car.” — Gen. Doug Satterfield. Not like in the movies when you hit someone and they instantly fall to the floor, is it? Thanks Gen. S. for making my day with this funny story.
Why don’t we have these kind of experiences?
Well, here’s my two cents worth. We do have experiences that are worth telling the world about, not from a narcissist standpoint, but to just tell such stories for a few laughs. It’s a matter of storytelling, one of those skills that leaders must possess.
“ Leadership Toolbox: Storytelling”
https://www.theleadermaker.com/leadership-toolbox-storytelling/
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Elle, yes I did like writing this article.
Great question.
GREAT STORY
ROFL. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Gen. Satterfield, you’re killing me with this kind of “life experience.”
MORE, MORE, MORE …..
Are you really Tiny Tim? No! I’m disappointed. Good comment. 🇬🇧 cheers!