[August 3, 2016] Good leaders are especially hard to come by; those with the wisdom, courage, and stamina to forge ahead doing what is right. They didn’t get to be good leaders because of an innate ability or luck but through a long arduous process. What they will tell us, if we ask, is that one reason they are so successful is that they’re able to bring people to their side … their advice, never insult others.
I hedged a bit when I mentioned that leaders never insult because there will be exceptions, as there are anytime social norms are established. I’ll get to those later in this post. We can say reasonably that leaders who insult others will needlessly gain enemies or make their enemies motivated to do them harm.
In combat, for example, we had to be careful about insulting the Iraqi insurgents because their beliefs were nearly identical to everyone else. We didn’t want insurgents to be harbored by the local population but for them to report any such activities to us. Neither did we compliment insurgent activity. This good behavior on our part was an elemental piece of the tactic to win the local’s hearts and minds. It worked and the insurgents largely gave up attacking us.
Of course, it’s easy to insult others. We’ve been doing it since we were toddlers. Generally speaking, most mature individuals learn that insulting others, either directly or circuitously, is counterproductive. Those who don’t learn this lesson by the time they become an adult will soon learn it through more difficult and unpleasant experiences later in life. The Golden Rule comes into play.
“A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.” – Frederick Douglass, author and orator
U.S. presidential hopeful Donald Trump has made a name for himself by doing exactly what I advise against. True … politics has a different set of rules and most of them are counterintuitive. He has however managed to insult just about everyone – many New Yorkers love him for it – but we see that he has now many powerful political leaders opposing him that should have been on his side.
Lesson for leaders? Don’t insult people if you want something done. Remember that the best trait of an effective leader is the ability to bring people together for a good cause. Insults divide people and although it can be a motivator in limited circumstances (see exception below), it doesn’t work. I keep reminding myself of that.
What are the exceptions? The best and most resilient leaders are those who have been insulted and have reacted properly to it. “Always be a gentleman,” my grandmother used to admonish me when I complained about the name-calling in elementary school. Her, like Frederick Douglass, know that a sign of your goodness in life is based on what you say and how you treat others.
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