[November 24, 2015] Being a leader means many things but one thing that is required for those who desire to be successful is to have a good set of social skills. It doesn’t mean that a successful leader is required to have table manners, a pretty smile, or fashionable clothes; although it certainly helps. That is why I always say that a leader needs to have an honest and full assessment of their personal strengths and weaknesses.1
I had a college roommate who lacked many social skills and had what most of us would consider only the minimum commitment to learn some of the most basic ways to get along with others. He was a smart guy and later graduated with a respectable degree in electrical engineering (a difficult college major). Today, he’s married with kids and a great job but his social skills still need development. When I spoke with him last he told me that his one big regret while in college was that he didn’t learn enough about how to get along better with people.
Leaders must prove their worth every day. Good social skills are a boost to that necessity and can make the difference anytime a leader is engaged with others. I’m no social scientist but I can attest to the fact that leaders with social skills get better results, are liked better, get more cooperation, and are under less stress. Those who lack those skills don’t fare as well and work harder to achieve similar results.
And, leadership is about results. It’s one thing to talk good, to give good speeches, and to have a good command of the language but it’s something else to take action that aligns with the talk. Leaders who walk the walk, as we say in America, are those who can deliver on the mission. Too many leaders have failed, not because they weren’t smart or talented, but because they could not rally people to achieve a necessary goal and get results.
My good friend from our engineering school could have been the CEO of the engineering firm where he’s worked for over 20 years; at least according to his own assessment. He wanted to be the guy who called the shots and he thought that his creative spirit could take his company further than its current senior management. But for the lack of social skills this never occurred. One day he told to me that he had sacrificed learning social aspects in college to focus on his technical skills. Now his ability to “connect” with people is something he doesn’t have.
A few lessons for leaders are notable. First, social skills are important. Second, those skills are developed over time and should never be ignored. And third, there are many friends, colleague, and skill coaches that can be useful to help us develop them. While it may never too late to improve our skills, my good friend now has a regret that cannot be satisfied.
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