[March 22, 2018] Just ask for help. That was what my best friend told me just as we kicked off into the ground attack on Saddam Hussein’s army in Iraq. He was saying that if I was in trouble that no matter where I was if I asked for his help, he would do everything he could to be there with “guns a’ blazing.”
It was reassuring that merely for asking, I would have received the best equipped and best manned military unit in the world quickly coming to my rescue. And I would have done the same for him. War is a serious business where failure means death and harm to your soldiers. Good leaders know to ask for help when they need it.
“He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it.” ― Dante Alighieri (better known as just Dante), a major Italian poet of the Middle Ages
If we truly needed it, none of us were afraid or hesitant to ask for help. There is no one who hasn’t experienced the need for a little help at some point in their lives. By asking for help, we are better leaders because by doing so we show respect for others, a vulnerability in who we are, that we are humble, and show a willingness to listen; all characteristics of great leadership.
As a young man, I had too much pride to ask for help. By the way, that seems to be a common trait of men, in particular when they are driving somewhere and get lost. Whether it was improving on my military unit’s preparedness, my workouts to get better physically fit, or to keep my family happy, I was reluctant to ask anyone for assistance. Pride got in my way and nearly destroyed my career, health, and family.
From hard lessons learned, I was slow to gain the appreciation that by merely asking someone to help that I could get more done, accomplished easier and faster, and would receive it without owing them anything. That selflessness is part of the U.S. military credo but also is imbued in countless other professionals as well as friends and family.
I also learned that people, by being asked, were much more willing to assist than I previous thought. People will do amazing things, if only they are asked. Most people think that military officers simply give orders and those orders are carried out immediately and efficiently. Yet, I was to discover that by asking, I got far more accomplished.
This is why leaders must understand that leadership is about building trust! To ask for help, implies at its very core that there is a certain level of trust.
Ouch, of course they do.
One of the important aspects of child rearing is teaching them how to survive in a modern-industrial society. To that end, my wife and I teach them that things are so complex that it is necessary to “ask” if you don’t understand or are confused about something. People generally are gracious enough to help you out.
Another teachable moment.
Lots of teachable moments but this one is what at least half the population needs to hear again and again.
I couldn’t agree more!
Everyone knows about the male deficiency of not wanting to ask others for help. If we do, does that mean we’re like women? Does it mean we men are now effeminate? Does it mean that manhood is an anachronism? Just asking. If you’re a leader, at least ask yourself this question.
Jesuits teach males (boys and men) to be a “man for others.” The idea is selfless service; helping others and when needed also asking for help yourself. Similar ideas here and I find that interesting that there is a common thread in leadership regardless of religion, culture, and historical time period. http://www.bc.edu/offices/mission/publications/guide/process.html
Good point Dennis. Thx.
I agree Dennis and would also suggest that this is a survival mechanism for manhood.
Good post today on this issue. I teach it in my High School classes because students (mostly boys) don’t understand this. It’s a man thing not to ask for help.
General Satterfield, I think you’re right. The younger we are and more like a MAN, the less we are willing to ask for help even if we need it. In the best-selling book “Emotional Intelligence 2.)’ the authors also talk about this. Recommended for those who want to THINK. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-2-0-Travis-Bradberry/dp/0974320625/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1521724447&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=how+to+ask+for+help&psc=1
Asking for help can be taken two ways. First like shown here. A leader needs some help and asks for it. Second like when a leader asks someone to do something that is really an order to do it. Now, I’m not a negative person (on the last one) but I wanted to point that out.
Never thought of it that way. Cheers.
I’m another Dante fan – his writings, his philosophy, and his insight.
I am particularly drawn to quotes by Dante. Here is my personal favorite:
“The darkest places in hell are reserved for those maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”
Of course, you had better be right about your position, something taught during his time but not in our modern society.
There was a time that leaders NEVER asked for help on anything. They gave orders and that was that. No debate, no questions, just do as you are told. Leaders were so far up there that we never even though about giving them help. Certainly they didn’t need it.
Yes, of course. I never thought of it that way but good leadership does mean asking for help. People are often surprised at how folks will simply help if asked. Perhaps they see it as an obligation or just their way of giving back. But it works.