[May 10, 2018] Leadership, in its most fundamental capacity, is not that different from a deep friendship. If a good friend calls upon you to help, then most of us would go to them as quickly as possible. In my first tour of combat in the Iraq War, I had a friend tell me, If you call, I’ll be there.
This was, of course, immensely reassuring that I could count on another peer for help (irrespective of the rules and chain of command) if things went bad in a gunfight with the enemy. He said it mattered not what he was doing or where his unit was, they would come riding in like the cavalry in old Western movies.
Friendship is made up of trust, loyalty, respect, selflessness, and openness. The same can be said for great leadership. If we were to go back to the beginnings of humankind, we would see these very qualities in all surviving relationships. Social scientists have looked across modern cultures and cannot dispute these facts.
I’ve come to also realize that in either a close friendship or in quality leadership, support is unconditional. It’s true that friends sometimes have different values and interests but true friends still offer support to each other. If you need someone, you know they will be there for you.
In a good article by Amy Clites on her blog ZeitClites.com, she writes that there are seven essential elements of a successful friendship.1 Her article could have been written about successful leadership. In particular, I like her number two, “A good friend gives you their best self.” This means more than getting along, it means they are there regardless how bad things are for you.
Fortunately, I never had to call upon my friend to send in the cavalry but it was always in the back of my mind. I too, in later combat tours in Iraq would say the same of those I knew. We would be there if needed. That is, in any culture, loyalty and is highly valued over all other traits of leadership.
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Hi Doug, great article! And thanks for the quote and shout out, I appreciate it. 🙂
Amy. You’re welcome. Good to hear from you.
Good article. Thank you.
This is a concept that Brig Gen Satterfield has presented to us that is a crucial part of being in the US Army and the rest of the military service. I cannot be underestimated how it gives you confidence when in combat. I was in Afghanistan and Iraq fighting the bad guys. Doing this alone undercuts your ability to perform your profession but with the knowledge others have your back, few missions will go awry. Interestingly, the combat arms folks are the one’s where this message resonates most.
When I was growing up this was an important part of the loyalty of any group or gang. You always went to the defense of your friends and it didn’t matter if they were in the wrong or not, you were there. This is what being a good friend or companion is about. Let’s not forget it … ever!
Same here Jose. We grew up with the same idea. I cannot remember where I learned it but our friends were always ready to help other close friends. If you weren’t in the “group” then you were on the outside without protection or hope of getting any.
This is one of your keystone articles on leadership because it points out one of the fundamental principles of leadership. One that is not often talked about much.
This idea (or philosophy) has been around since before recorded history, I’m sure. Reading the Bible, which is one of the oldest collection of very old writings, is filled with reference to this very idea. I will argue it is fundamental to Christianity in general and not just a leadership issue.
Well said, Andrew.
Wow Army Captain, you are usually the first to post. How do you do it?
I get up early in the morning and usually the post are there.
One of your better articles. Thanks Gen Satterfield.
I think you will find this leader philosophy throughout any organization or close group of people who are tasked with difficult or dangerous jobs to do. This also separates the real leaders from those who are there simply for the paycheck and title.
How very appropriate and the essence of good leadership. I won’t forget. Thank you.
The same is true in the military but also in business. If you need help, just ask and you will be surprised at the number of people who will come out of the woodwork to help (at no charge, of course).
In the Avengers movie, Steve Rogers says “I know you’re doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do. That’s all any of us should… So no matter what, I promise you, if you need us – if you need me – I’ll be there.” Sorry, but I don’t read much history but I do watch movies.
I read this very thing somewhere in a history book. I think it might have been about the US Civil War where one of the famous commanding generals told this to his friend (also a general). My point is that this is an important, but overlooked, an aspect of great leadership. People need to know they can depend upon you.
I tell my High School students this all the time. Great post. Thank you.
Not to be confused with the Jackson 5 lyrics “I’ll Be There.” LOL
http://www.songlyrics.com/jackson-5/i-ll-be-there-lyrics/
Good article.
I found this post most close to my heart as I have always held leadership positions and have done everything reasonable to help the people who worked for me.
General Satterfield, thanks for another good post. In the future, I would recommend a post on the different military services. This would help bring home the point that all our “American heroes” are important; firefighters, police, ambulance personnel, and a host of first responders. Leadership is found at all levels.
It is always a pleasure to read this blog each morning as I either learn something new or reinforce what I already knew. I highly recommend it. Please readers, let your friends and up-and-coming leaders know about this site.
Mark has a good point about his “triangle of humanness.” Well written Mark.
Thank you Shawn
Yes, thanks Shawn on a keen observation.
Not that long ago, people of everyday walks of life knew this kind of stuff. It was just part of growing up in a family that cared about you. Now too many people think they can do everything on their own and that they owe no one anything. This is driven by the media that likes to divide us up into groups and then tie our hands if we try to move out of those little boxes.
I will add that there is another comparison to make and that is to a successful, happy family. So, leadership-friendship-family is the triangle of humanness and displays our best in being a good person.
Very good point here, Mark. Thx.
Good one, Mark I like it and agree fully.
😉
I like the triad of humanness idea.
Good comments.
Your stories from wartime experiences help bring home key messages for leaders. I would only hope that young leaders are reading this blog. This are very worthwhile and applicable to everyday situations.
Yes, I agree with you.
Interesting post today, Gen Satterfield. Well done in the comparison betw/ leadership and friendship; especially on the key characteristic of going to someone’s aid.
This says it all. Real leaders take care of people. End of story.
Yes, Army Captain. That is what leadership is all about.
I agree.