[August 26, 2016] Regular readers of this column know that I often advise against insulting people; regardless of who they are or whether they deserve it. I’ve written about it (see links here, here, and here) and mentored other leaders to avoid it. Insults are generally counterproductive; insults are divisive, an immature tactic, and rarely produce positive results one desires. When it involves insulting Gold Star parents1, the results are magnified.
Politicians provide us with a wealth of material to use as examples to make my point. Often covered in the media was U.S. presidential hopeful Donald Trump when he made offensive remarks about two Gold Star parents that spoke at the Democratic Convention back in July. U.S. presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton lied about what she told several Gold Star parents regarding how their adult children died in Benghazi and then later insulted them by attacking their memories. And U.S. Senator Harry Reid called one Gold Star mother “crazy” for her comments on Clinton.
All three of these politicians experienced massive pushback for their comments and as they should have. Each did something stupid. But the way to rescue one’s reputation from such a mistake is to immediately apologize, do something that shows remorse, learn from it, and never repeat the error.
We can learn a lot from the mistakes of others. There is no need to look too far in the past to see examples of those who insult Gold Star parents. Learning from those mistakes however would seem to be difficult. Perhaps it’s just that I’m seeing politicians making such fundamental errors in judgment but it does nevertheless provide apt lessons for leaders. Alas, many political leaders will not heed my advice and go about and insult another Gold Star family member again.
This is part of the reason Americans have such a low opinion of their politicians. The danger is not so apparent but when the bond of trust is broken between ordinary citizens and their political representatives in Congress or as an elected judge, sheriff, or dog catcher, a real problem exists that is a very destructive force in society.
Let us hope that leaders will stop insulting people. There are far better ways to walk the path to good leadership. Use of humor, encouraging others to do well, and guiding people to achieve a common goal are some of them.
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- For those outside of the United States and who may not be familiar with the concept of a Gold Star parent, they have lost a son or daughter in the United States military whether in war or in peace. There exists a Gold Star Mothers Club that has existed in the U.S. since 1928. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_Star_Mothers_Club