[July 26, 2024] One of my personality traits as a kid was going out of my way to be nice to others. Dr. Jordan Peterson would say I was “agreeable,” one of the big five identifiable personality traits. I will say this now as a lesson to everyone: I had to suppress this trait once I became an adult deeply. By the time I joined the U.S. Army, I was no longer an agreeable person. Being disagreeable helped me succeed in the Army. Lesson: don’t be nice.
“Agreeable people, especially if they’re really agreeable, are so agreeable that they often don’t even know what they want because they are so accustomed to living for other people! – Dr. Jordan Peterson
My mother was very agreeable; I know she sacrificed much of herself so her kids could have food, shelter, and a loving home. She tolerated us, especially me, as I was also ungrateful and stubborn. Yet, I could do those things I wanted to do and later, as an adult to pursue a military career. I still believe she would have supported me in anything I wanted to do. She accepted me for who I was despite my defects. My mother was a very “agreeable” person.
“If you ask an agreeable person what they want, they’re so accustomed to living for other people and to finding out what other people want and trying to make them comfortable that it’s harder for them to find a sense of their own desires as they move through life. And one of the things you have to be careful of if you are agreeable is not to be exploited.”
This is no criticism of my mother, not at all. I could not have been more blessed. However, being so agreeable would not work for me, and I saw that early in my pre-teenage years. Agreeable people do not like conflict. That was me; I did not like conflict. But I had to change.
Maybe the fights in the back of the school changed my mind. Perhaps it was getting hammered in football and baseball. Or, perchance, it was my mental makeup that steered me wrong in my early years. To do what I wanted meant that I had to change, and I did it one difficult step at a time. I learned not to be nice. Respectful, but not nice.
I became what Dr. Peterson would call a “well-socialized disagreeable person.” I didn’t let much get in my way of going into the Army (a decision I had made as a pre-teen kid). It took work, dedication, and tremendous discipline to make that change, and I admit I suffered greatly while I made that change.
Don’t be that “nice guy.”
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NOTE: You can find one of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s lectures on this topic at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfH-OM379Sk
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Please read my books:
Agreeable people, especially if they’re really agreeable, are so agreeable that they often don’t even know what they want because they are so accustomed to living for other people! – Dr. Jordan Peterson
New Kamala Harris for President Sign spotted somewhere not in Texas:
“For president of the United States of America in the country of America which has states that are united and which needs a president to preside over those states united in America.”
🤦 /facepalm
or, “I can’t use the words to describe, in words, the words I can’t describe.” – Kamala Harris doing the Kamala Harris.
More fun: https://www.powerlineblog.com/ed-assets/2024/07/Screenshot-2024-07-24-at-1.05.19%E2%80%AFPM.png
Don’t be nice. Yep. Seems counterintuitive until you start looking around at those who are most successful at their jobs.
Here is an article on the five personality traits that Gen. Satterfield is referring to: “Big Five Personality Traits: The 5-Factor Model Of Personality” https://www.simplypsychology.org/big-five-personality.html
These traits are believed to be relatively stable throughout an individual’s lifetime.
Conscientiousness – impulsive, disorganized vs. disciplined, careful
Agreeableness – suspicious, uncooperative vs. trusting, helpful
Neuroticism – calm, confident vs. anxious, pessimistic
Openness to Experience – prefers routine, practical vs. imaginative, spontaneous
Extraversion – reserved, thoughtful vs. sociable, fun-loving
Good one, Boy Sue. Thanks.
If you really know what you want out of your life, what you want to do for yourself and family, then you are not a totally agreeable person. That is a good thing. Women who are just agreeable enough make good mothers. Those “boss babes” who are CEOs of big companies will never be good mothers. Period. No matter how much they want it, they have fallen into the modern trap of being a man. They can’t turn it off.
Thanks Gen. S for another useful article. I forwarded this one to a friend of mine who has a son that is having problems being a ‘wallpaper’ and a wimp. Well, I hope this gives him some idea of toughing up the boy without hurting him.
Lesson #1: Don’t be a wimp.
Lesson #2: Don’t be a sissy (is there a difference)
Lesson #3: Be a real man and not a wussy man.
🤦♂️
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You got me there, Winston. And I think that is why we have these ‘sayings’ that we often tell our boys. And in his ‘letters to his granddaughter’, Gen. Satterfield is laying that out regularly and clearly to us. If I read anything from his letters is that he is learning not to be a “nice guy.”
Right, don’t be a nice guy and the reason is that it does not work as a long term strategy for boys.
Gen. Satterfield makes an important point here about his mother being such an agreeable person. Those who do the best job of taking care of infants are those mothers who are very agreeable. They have to be to care for their infants because very young children need that kind of care. But as they age and begin to explore more of the outside world they need a dad who is willing to be firm and establish clear cut boundaries for them and show them how to be disciplined and useful. That is why both a man and a woman are necessary for the success of their children.
😎 Gen. Satterfield is a “well-socialized disagreeable person.” Now I’ve not heard that before but makes a bit of sense. Those who get promoted the fastest and get the highest salaries are the same people who are strong, wise, out-going, but aren’t willing to take sh## off nobody. And that is a lesson of the ages. No one wants a wimp being a leader, wimpy leaders do great damage. All you have to do is look at wimpy bosses you’ve had over your lifetime. No one wants to work for them because they also have a hard time making a timely and proper decision. People walk all over them. But good to hear that Gen. S is a “well-socialized disagreeable person.” 😎
Yeah, kind funny but I get it too.
Another great and useful article. Thanks. 👍👍👍👍👍
Right! Just being nice will not get you many places in life. It works taking care of an infant, but that trait does not translate into having a good life. Like Gen. Satterfield has repeatedly told us, and shown us with examples, be polite but make sure folks know you are capable of being a strong man so they don’t confuse the two.