[April 13, 2022] Listen intently to others, especially to your enemies; they will tell you what they are about to do. Listen because others might know something you don’t.
Listening is a lost art. I’ll be blunt; we are terrible listeners. That means everybody, not just me or your best friend; you too are a lousy listener. Today’s young adults are the worst at listening compared to older adults. The sooner we recognize this fact, the sooner we will take action to be better listeners.
That is unfortunate because we now have to work harder with our self-inflicted “don’t listen” mental handicap. That problem prevents us from learning about who we are and how others see us. It stops us from learning about our family and friends. It slows our ability to get along with strangers, co-workers, and people we encounter wherever we go and whatever we do.
Better listening builds trust, broadens your perspective, strengthens your patience, makes you approachable, saves time and money, and helps detect and resolve problems faster. Excellent listening skills produce more competent workers, friends and family are more friendly and helpful, and our lives are more manageable.
Let’s face it; listening is hard. However, we can do a better job with careful and deliberate practice. There is no downside to being a better listener. And while this does not come easy or quickly, the payoff is substantial, more than we might believe.
For my purposes here, I’m not interested in why we are such poor listeners. Then why does it matter for those who want to get into the problem on a higher level? My immediate interest is in providing a few practical ways to learn to listen better.
Psychologists will tell us it’s because we are in a hurry, want to be liked, or aren’t trained how to listen.
Here are some of my favorite techniques to listen better. Yes, I, too, could do a better job. We all can do better. I like to think of my social skills as a work-in-progress. Work is the operative term; it takes time, focus, and effort.
My best advice is to slow down. Let the other person talk. Allow folks to have their say, and don’t interrupt. And, don’t think about how you will respond with your solution or comment. Listening and formulating a response will simultaneously put you back to the same place we are all in; a terrible listener.
Some listening techniques are simple. Look them in the eye, ask questions, don’t interrupt or cut them off, look for non-verbal cues, and give thoughtful feedback. Other techniques require a greater attention level. Try to understand what the speaker is feeling, reformulate their words and ask if you have expressed their idea correctly to their satisfaction, and remain focused.
Active listening can help build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding and avoid conflict. By being a better listener, we can improve our own lives and the lives of others.
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Please read my new book, “Our Longest Year in Iraq,” on Amazon (link here).
This is a basic skill that we all could make personal improvements upon. Train your kids to respect others but first teach them the value of listening intently to other kids and adults. There are very few skills that are more demanding and more necessary. I know,, I teach High School.
Mr. TJ, please continue doing what you are doing to help the young people of America. They need real men teaching them the ways of the world. 😊😊😊😊
Right, TJ thanks.
Great basic advice from Gen. Satterfield. “Some listening techniques are simple. Look them in the eye, ask questions, don’t interrupt or cut them off, look for non-verbal cues, and give thoughtful feedback. ” Just this works pretty darn well.
Our politicians had better start listening intently to us citizens. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 Or America will no longer be the home of the free.
They won’t because they are successful shutting us down with lockdowns and laws that keep free speech locked down. That way, whoever is the best at propagandizing will be elected.
The practical side of better listening, “Better listening builds trust, broadens your perspective, strengthens your patience, makes you approachable, saves time and money, and helps detect and resolve problems faster.” But there is also the moral side. Let’s not forget that either. Thank you Gen. Satterfield for highlighting this important topic.
Ha, the ‘don’t listen’ handicap. Well said. This new generation of young kids who are now young adults are taught that they are the moral superior force in the world and whatever they think and do is superior to all behavior and thinking ever done in the past. Note, the communists and Nazis thought this in the last century and look to the 100+ million dead from their ideologies. Time to slow down a bit and educate young folks.
I say we kick butt, what do you say, Gen. Satterfield?
Getting a Ole Fashioned Ass Wuppin’
https://www.theleadermaker.com/getting-an-ole-fashioned-ass-wuppin/
… an older article from Gen. Satterfield’s blog. Worth reading and worthy subject.
We need more ass wuppin’s. Sometimes that is the only way to get some punks attention.
Know what to do and set your mind to it. That is the first step. 👍
Nice article in Forbes.
10 Steps To Effective Listening
https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/?sh=19a322453891
Step 3: Keep an open mind.
My favorite but it ain’t going to happen. Too many of us are narcissists today. And, we are encouraged to be narcissists. Just go an read what Gen. Satterfield has written about how we are encourage to lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise be immoral. Why? Because we no longer have real leaders and our moral foundation – the family and church – are under constant attack by the Progressive-Liberal politicains and the ilk that follow them.
“My best advice is to slow down.” Yep, perfect.
In my family, you had better go slow or you will be bonked on the head by my old-country grandmother. She don’t put up with no crap from nobody. Listen closely to what she has to say, my mom always said, and you will come out of that a better man.
Go slow, good advice, Gen. Satterfield.
Our lives, we think, are too busy to take the time to listen or to take under consideration what the other person is doing. We are always in a hurry but if we actually stop for a moment and look at our lives, we would see that much of what we do is unnecessary. Slow down and smell the roses.
If only people were educated early in life to listen better. I don’t mean sit them down and teach them psychology at 2 years of age but show them the ways to have more fun while listening. ✔
Too often we want the conversation to be about us. Take the instance when someone confides in us. What do we do? Instead of listening for understanding we offer advice. We give our opinion. We tell a story of how we went through a situation that was even worse. We blame. We insult. We criticize. We punish. We make judgments and diagnose. We interject our own needs, emotions and values into the scenario.
The listener’s role is to be calm enough to hear and comprehend what the talker is saying. The listener does not own the problem and therefore avoids agreeing or disagreeing with the items being discussed. The listener refrains from advising or defending a point of view. The listener’s job is to provide a safe environment for the speaker, to seek to understand and to ask questions to clarify information in order to understand.
Listen intently or you will miss those things that will make you a better person. You will help others better and you will live a better life. Why not listen better? Because we are often stupid and self-centered.
If listening connects us so powerfully to other people, why don’t we listen better?
Another excellent article in a recent splurge of on-target analysis of young folks.
Yep, I hope this continues. 😊
Hi Roger, haven’t heard from you in a long time, I sure hope you’ve been well. I always look forward to your comments even if it is to confirm someone else’s comments. Have a wonderful day!
Thanks Greg, all is well. Good to be back in the saddle. Recovering from a stint in the hospital with a couple of health issues. I’m happy to be back to read Gen. Satterfield’s articles and comments.
Yes Ernest, we sure do have a great website here. I know that Gen. Satterfield is working toward writing another book and I think that much of what we are reading recently is some of the core ideas that he will include in this new book. That is why we should make cogent replies that help him focus his main ideas.