[November 4, 2020] Election 2020 for the U.S. Presidency and other political positions is over but the final results are not in. It’s a razor thin margin, regardless who wins. So, I pulled a dozen political jokes out of my closet for your enjoyment and to help us all through a tough day. Surely, today will go down in history as one of the weirdest days after an election.
- What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing.
- A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- The worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a “virus.” Instead, it’s an “electronic microorganism.” Government Spokesman Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
- A government worker responsible for the overall closing of a military base, was reviewing voluminous files. He found some old records that were of no possible value and sent a letter to Washington requesting permission to destroy them. The reply he received read as follows: “Permission is given to destroy the records, but please make triplicate copies of them first.”
- Q: How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning? A: All the red flags.
- If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
- Politician got a bribe of five hundred thousand dollars. When he brought it home, his wife asked him: “Where did you get this money, honey?” He answered: “If somebody asks, that’s the money your grandma left us.”
- A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
- The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds.
- I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.
Ah yes, good list Gen. Satterfield. We appreciate you trying to get us to laugh.
Let’s hope that socialism doesn’t take hold in the US. Pray for us that Biden Harris don’t bring this on us, assuming they win. A DJT victory will keep the totalitarism away for at least another four years.
I liked #2 best about the thief asking for his money.
Yeah, I agree Linux Man. Keeps the craziness out of my brain. I’m also not watching television or listening to the radio; simply too much vitriol. Too many are simply nuts. FoxNews went over to the dark side. I’ll not be watching them anymore. Maybe Sean Hannity but that will be it.
Good call. Thanks.
Good jokes, some old, some new. Thanks for the brief laugh.
I’m like Rowen down below, biting my nails, needing a drink (of something with high alcohol content), and getting an ulcer waiting.
Political jokes have been around for a long time and most are pretty funny. Thanks, Gen. Satterfield. I can tell that you weren’t expecting a tie and thus had to throw this together as a stop-gap. 👍 Keep on plugging here and eventually someone will be declared the winner and I sure hope it’s Trump.
Good jokes, thanks, I needed that.
…… and a stiff drink too.
He He He —- let’s not joke around —- just kidding.
I hear that Trump is now favored to win. Will it really really happen? Or is it a dream?
Thanks Gen. Satterfield for a little humor after election day and with no president officially over the finish line to win. I sure hope that Slow Joe Biden (and his corrupt family) don’t get the White House but that they get the jail house tour.
I watched the Trump Rallies and they were great entertainment. I also saw a few Biden Rallies and they were a terrible bore. Stacey, the one thing I remember vividly from the Trump rallies were the lock him up chant when Biden’s name came up.
Corruption in the Biden family is like any other group of people who have no one leading them with ethical standards. They are also Catholic in name only. It’s used as a prop.
Good point but nothing new here about politicians.
I’m biting my nails on this election. I’ll order a drink.
Google searches are trending heavy for heavy drinking……. 👍