Rule 51: Show Your Respect

[October 5, 2024]  Show your respect.  Respect is like the lubricant in a car engine that allows the pistons to continue firing.  Without it, everything would come to a screeching halt.  The Golden Rule is a practical application of the idea of respect; it tells us that we should treat others like we would like to be treated.

This article is from my book “55 Rules for a Good Life” and is one of those most popular with readers.

Growing up, we learned some simple ways of showing respect.  Some were basic, like saying please and thank you.  Others took a little longer to learn, such as good table manners, listening properly to what others say, keeping your promises, offering to assist others, sharing your toys, and apologizing when you are wrong.

Respect is much more than common decency (and that is important); it is the prudent judgment and recognition of someone’s good deeds, authority, and value.  Respect is a deep admiration based upon noteworthy abilities, qualities, or achievements.  And that means respect can be lost.  If you are corrupt, weak, a cheat, a liar, a thief, if you betray others, or you are a sniveling coward, then you will garner no respect from others.  That is the human way, and that will never change.

Learning how to show respect is not easy, but doing so benefits us over time.  Why do we show respect?  The simple reason is that doing so reaffirms that we are human and that we willingly accept the responsibility to assist our fellow citizens.  Furthermore, showing respect builds trust and confidence.  In this way, we can see that respect is a core building block of human existence.

As adults, we learned that showing respect reflects our good character; our interaction with others helps everyone, including our friends and family.  Maturity is a trait we strive for; for practical reasons.  There are also ways to show the respect we did not learn as children.

What follows are mature ways of showing respect, requiring more intellectual development.

1. Compliment the achievements of others. A simple word of praise can boost morale and foster a better relationship.  Compliments are one of the best and cheapest motivators.  People may work for money, but compliments drive them.
2. When disagreeing with others, acknowledge the value of their opinion. Disagreements are inevitable.  Focus on the facts, don’t get personal, see the good, listen intently, and choose to act respectfully.  You will attract more to your side by using honey rather than vinegar.
3. Respond to requests from others in a timely and proper fashion. Avoid procrastination when dealing with others; it damages relationships.  Focus your efforts, and do not get distracted trying to multitask too often.  Being on time with the correct response shows respect and maturity on your part.
4. Use humor appropriately to revitalize relationships, but do not tease or use sharp barbs. A good dose of humor goes a long way as a powerful tool to encourage others.  However, a warning … humor can be difficult to use correctly and cause more problems if misused.  I find self-deprecating humor to be the safest and satire the riskiest.
5. Never gossip. Do not release confidential information.  The worst sin a person can serve on another is betrayal.  Gossip, unfounded rumor, or the release of private information is the fastest way to get yourself into trouble.  This is a bad habit and hard to break.  Avoid it.
6. Politely accept criticism as positive feedback. Willingly and politely receive feedback about you, and do so graciously.  Listen to what others have to say.  They will tell you things you may not want to hear, but they are telling you something important.  It is easy to personalize what they say; don’t do it.
7. Accept the mistakes of others. People aren’t perfect, and you cannot assume you know their intentions.  Don’t be a perfectionist.  Be willing to forgive and forget.  We can all learn from our mistakes, and it is better to learn from the mistakes of others than your own.
8. Use the ideas of others and publically give them credit for their contribution. It’s hard to underestimate the positive impact of giving credit to others.  People will see you as more fair, committed, responsible, and trusted.  This is genuine leadership.
9. Praise in public, criticize in private. Follow this advice to change human behavior for the better and build understanding, empathy, and teamwork.
10. Look people directly in the eye and speak clearly. Being a good person is not based on how you look, how smart you are, or your past; it’s based on your ability to candidly and clearly communicate.  Do this by looking people in the eye and speaking precisely, clearly, and without hesitation.
11. Don’t waste people’s time. Our time is precious; we could all spend more time with family and friends, so it is always best not to waste it.  Be punctual to meetings, organized, decisive, plan ahead, keep yourself on track, anticipate obstacles, and pay attention.
12. Be uplifting and approachable. Be the person who makes another person smile, be approachable, and connect with others emotionally.  That way, you will bring out the joy and meaning in others.
13. Know who you are talking to; know the audience. It’s an old maxim of Toastmasters: know your audience.  This knowledge is how you can become an effective communicator.  It’s one thing to talk with a High School student and another to be in a conversation with a University Professor.
14. Show extreme patience. It’s easy to make a spur-of-the-moment decision, but waiting for the right moment to do the right thing is the goal we should strive to achieve.
15. Be brutally honest. Honesty means more than telling the truth about what you think is relevant but being straightforward and fair on everything.
16. Call out disrespectful behavior. Don’t allow bad behavior to happen when you can.  Stand up for the weak and innocent.  Call out those who are disrespectful or ungrateful.  It goes to the character of yourself.  Don’t be so agreeable that you are a pushover.
17. Never insult, use name-calling, disparage, or belittle folks or their thoughts. The best way to show disrespect is to degrade someone, their family, friends, co-workers, etc.  Step in the right direction and go out of your way to be courteous, especially when you don’t want to.
18. Respect people, even if they don’t deserve it. You will find this a difficult task but necessary.  It is easy to underestimate others and have them come back to haunt us.  Respect people, and they will know it.  Disrespect them, and they know that, too.  Do what is right and show respect to everyone.
19. Address people by name. We all want to be recognized as someone special.  We like folks noticing us.  The best way is to remember their names and use them often.
20. Never use excuses, whine, or beat around the bush. Stop it now.  Bad habits like this might be okay for children but not for adults.  Replay in your head how you behave and take voluntary actions to put an end to things that make you immature.
21. Share the excitement of people’s wins. Those who genuinely believe in people and are willing to help others are also happy when folks are winners.  Compliment legitimate achievements.  That way, you are part of the good things people accomplish, not on the outside looking in.
22. Allow yourself to be visible and accessible to talk to. Inspire and influence.  Being physically present is best; that way, people can know you care, and they can bring problems to you and talk about their wishes and desires.
23. Remember the small things: birthdays, major life events, spouses’ names. These may seem minor or small to you, but they are essential.  Acknowledge them; doing so makes you likable, and folks will be more open to you.
24. Listen first to what others have to say before expressing your ideas. When you express your opinion, especially early in a conversation, you influence others.  Let them talk first and hear what they say; you will be appreciated more and respected for it.

Respect all, pander to none.  Show your respect.  We should treat others like we would like to be treated.

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Please read my books:

1. “55 Rules for a Good Life,” on Amazon (link here).
2. “Our Longest Year in Iraq,” on Amazon (link here).