[April 28, 2025] More than a decade ago, I wrote an opinion piece that ran against the thinking of many prominent military senior leaders and politicians when I said that there was not enough use of shame as a way of modifying human behavior. The average person walking the streets of America today may or may not agree with me, but the social experiment of treating everyone with compassion and kindness has only created more violence and is currently destroying large cities. Shame, there is just not enough of it.
Just yesterday, a good friend of mine said that the reason so many people act with disrespect (without regard to others) is the lack of “shame” in our society. Leadership today means, he stated, that we must go out of our way to ensure that the guilty are not in any way publicly embarrassed (shamed) or made to feel uncomfortable.
“Praise in public, punish in private.” We are told that an important leader technique is never to employ the element of shaming on those who have done wrong. We are told this is out of “respect” for the guilty. Besides, who wants to be uncomfortable when making an error in judgment, and everyone is informed?
The book, The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne, is a romance novel about Hester Prynne, who has a child through an adulterous affair. She was found guilty and then punished by being jailed and required to wear a scarlet “A” on her dress as a sign of shame. The “A” is a symbol of the adulterous affair.
This book is important in at least two ways. First, most people today would not consider adultery a sin or something to be ashamed of, and most readers do not understand the significance. Second, the book uniquely addressed the moral issue by having Prynne symbolize the moral struggle in our lives.
My friend’s comment about the lack of shame today, as he describes it, touches on the fundamental issue of how we should address moral wrongs in our society. Leadership is at the forefront is this endeavor, as we are forced to deal with the consequences of evolving moralities.
Read any grocery store magazine to see the sex lives of movie stars (they are quite popular). While our moralities change, shame is also changing. Shame is also being transformed into a form of entertainment.
Leadership means having values openly expressed. It means that leaders must expose wrongs, and this may mean that those wrongs are made public. We won’t be requiring anyone to wear a scarlet “A,” but a little bit of shame will go a long way toward enticing them to avoid repeating bad behavior.
Of course, there are those who take the opposite approach and argue that shaming does not work and destroys lives. In one opinion piece in Medical Daily from November 2014 is titled Shame In Today’s Society: What It Means, And Why It Absolutely Needs To Stop rightly points out the negative side of shaming, which includes depression, suicide, addiction, violence, aggression, and other maladays; or at least the author claims. There is no author name, but we can surmise this person has not had any serious contact with folks who will do them harm or themselves harm.
Shame works. And, yes, there is a downside to using shame. It is best used on adults and with caution. Beyond that, there is not enough shame.
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Please read my books:
https://www.theleadermaker.com/?s=shame
Gen. Satterfield does occasionally write about “shame” and its value.
As a non-Veteran of our great American Armed Forces, I am lacking some of those traits that Gen. Satterfield regularly writes about. But, I am smart enough to find good information and use it to my advantage. That is why I also read all the comments here. I find many of them also to be enlightening and further the point(s) made in the article. I welcome comments and criticisms of what I write, too.
Welcome, Jake. Don’t forget that we were all posting for the first time at an earlier time and had to become regular readers to gain our current level of experience and knowledge. I also recommend you consider reading “55 Rules for a Good Life,” which Gen. Satterfield wrote a few years ago. You will find it full of key information on how to properly conduct yourself and how to ensure you become a “good person.”
https://www.amazon.com/55-Rules-Good-Life-Responsibility/dp/1737915529/
Don’t forget that I gave you this advice early. You will appreciate the read.
There is nothing like picking up this book (that is on my lamp table) and just randomly reading a short “rule.” That makes my day. And it confirms if I’m conducting my life according to ancient and proven rules for a good life.
Those who argue for no shaming certainly do not understand basic human psychology. They don’t understand the idea behind external motivation and how that can improve your life.
Well said, Gen. Satterfield. There is a need for more SHAME. But we ain’t gettin’ it.
This article could be used to help cultures that are not contributing to the overall well-being of any society of people. For example, blacks in America do not want to be “shamed” into being better because they believe, deep down (after years of propaganda) that they are oppressed like slaves and therefore deserve privilege. Of course, we all know blacks in America receive more benefits and opportunities than any other racial group but their slave mind set holds them back. If we could shame them, maybe, just maybe, they might develop the motivation to do better instead of whining.
Ouch, nailed it. Shame is better than failure. Or at least that’s what I believe. 🕷🕷🕷🕷
13% causing 80% of the problems is testimony to the fact they don’t get it. Yuck!
Liz, I see what you mean but you and I will be called “racist” for pointing out the problems of black Americans, and others too, and for the intended purpose of shaming them into better motivation to do better for themselves and for their families. But, right now that’s not happening, at least until there is greater mental maturity developed. And that is unlikely any time soon.
Indeed … you’re right.
The “Woke” will disagree with you on this topic and while it is not that important – at least in my opinion – for the Wokees, they will hate you for chiming in on one of their pet peeves. They love love love being the victim so they can play a weak hand from the position of moral authority. Yes! There needs to be more shaming.
Welcome aboard, King Henry VIII.