[January 23, 2025] In high school I couldn’t figure out why so many of the girls were attracted to some of the worst, most rebellious peers of mine. A few girls went out with the big football players but most spent their time with boys who were often disciplined for fighting or smoking weed in the bathrooms or some other infraction. This bad boy paradox has been a topic of discussion for as long as I can remember.
Psychologists call refer to this paradox as a fascination by the allure of the “bad boy” archetype. Young, naive women are attracted to the Machiavellian types (part of the Dark Triad) but as they get older and more experienced they start to see through that. The reason they are attracted to the bad boy types is that the reckless, fearless people mimic real fearless competence. Dr. Jordan Peterson says that the young women aren’t skilled at distinguishing between the two.
In other words, according to Dr. Peterson, these women get sucked in by this kind of recklessness because they think it’s fearless competence. These men will prey on that lack of young women’s skills by trying to imitate competence. But what women are really after, at least in part, is an element of adventure but they also want that fearlessness that goes along with generosity and competence and the ability to keep evil and a harsh world at bay.
For example, a narcissist (another of the Dark Triad) can capitalize on the appearance of achievement because they are confident. Lots of people who are confident are competent but some confident people aren’t competent but they can fool you. Dr. Peterson likes to use the Disney movie “Beauty and the Beast” to show his point.
In this Disney movie, the character Gaston is a narcissist but he has physical prowess yet cannot understand why Belle ignored him. The Beast is the strong man also, but he’s tameable by the Beauty, thus providing a long-term benefit to Belle.
Dr. David Buss explains that the Dark Triad (Machiavellian, narcissism, and psychopathy) is composed of folks who pursue an exploitive social strategy. This means they feign reciprocity, feign being good reciprocators but they will cheat and lie. Dr. Buss, in his studies, says younger women are highly attracted to these dark triad men and are thus exploited far more often.
I was given valuable advice by an older man once long ago. He told me not to buy into my mother’s guidance to be nice and helpful to women that I might consider pursuing. He said that I should instead make myself the best person I could be — get physically fit, mentally tough, well-groomed, the most successful, and high status. That way, women will be attracted to me. They will pursue you.
————
Please read my books:
Some thoughts. How many times have you heard a guy say this: “Women like you better when you treat them like shit.” Or: “I never get the girls I like because I’m too nice.” Or: “I’m a functioning alcoholic, and a complete asshole. Let’s date?” Okay, maybe that last one isn’t so popular (outside of my world, at least) but really, now, I’m sure all of us have heard the first two from multiple sources, usually men fresh from a break-up or another form of rejection. Really, it’s surprising that, being as gung-ho about gender equality as I am, that I’ve known so many men so eager to explain this rational to me.
I always wondered about this. I’m glad it’s being studied and to give help to young me. I love how some older man gave advice to a younger Gen. Satterfield and that he took that advice. Don’t be nice and a fool. Make the best of yourself. Be like the old Army commercial says … “be all you can be.” That’s how a young man can attract a potential mate. And don’t do stupid.
Well put, Forrest. 👍
Girls, especially immature and inexperienced girls, are highly attracted to these “bad boys” because they give those girls a range of attractions from neglect to hyper love. Just a thought.
Good article to fill in some of the gaps.
“ How Alluring Are Dark Personalities? the Dark Triad and Attractiveness in Speed Dating”
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1002/per.2040
The adventurism. Nuff said.
I think it’s the paradoxical “I don’t need you” attitude, which can counterintuitively draw people in. A rugged, seemingly unshakeable persona can be enticing, inviting people to uncover the possibility of an elusive softer side. This allure, akin to dark traits of rebelliousness, impulsivity, and stubbornness, promises a thrilling ride. Much like Dr. Peterson says and I do highly recommend watching his videos about this topic. No wonder I was so without girlfriends growing up. It also, in part, explains the age gap in dating, with men being older as girls look up to older boys.
Yep, seems like that to me too. Girls don’t like the “nice guys.”
What is it about bad boys that makes them so magnetic? From their confidence and charm to their unpredictability and sense of adventure, there are many reasons young women cite to describe the appeal of these mysterious and dangerous men.